温情维也纳——2024新高考续写解析及范文

2024-11-23 11:54 来源: 文化之窗 本文影响了:90人

社会温情类语篇既可以是邻里之间的守望相助,也可以是陌生人之间的善意和信任,以及爱的传递,具体到此次续写,这儿的陌生人甚至跨越了国界,体现了世界范围内美好的人性都是共通的。同学们在续写的时候也应当注意正能量的传递。

下面我们来具体分析这篇续写。

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01
原文情节梳理

整篇文章读下来给人的感觉就是,作者一直处于一个着急忙慌赶路的状态。

Paragraph 1 我坐飞机到Vienna,然后需要在Vienna坐汽车到Prague开个会。因为飞机晚点,我只有30分钟的时间赶到汽车站,否则就坐不上最后一趟,因此我以最快的速度跳上了第一辆等候的出租车。

Paragraph 2 因为语言不是那么通,出租车司机Gunter get不到我要去的目的地是哪儿,然后Gunter求助了他的一个朋友,终于发车。

Paragraph 3 幸运的是,我俩及时赶到了汽车站。

Paragraph 4 尴尬的事情发生了,我身上没有现金。我的外国银行卡刷不起,付不了出租车费。然后汽车站入口处的取款机也好巧不巧地坏了!


02
原文语言分析

诚如小编一贯的分析,全国新高考卷的语篇不会有超纲词汇,毕竟像queue这种很多同学还比较熟悉的单词都备注了汉语意思。所以整个语篇的阅读难度不大,即便有一些地道的短语表达,如touch down(降落,着陆)fish out(掏出)roll into(涌入)play along(配合,合作)thin out(变稀疏),也基本都可以通过上下文推测出意思。当然,这些地道的表达让整篇文章显得更加生动。

此外,本篇语言在情绪描写上面也很有特点,用的词汇都挺简单,但又恰到好处地运用到了描写的技巧

比如“着急”:

I ran like crazy through the airport building and jumped into the first taxi on the rank without a second thought.  “ran”和“jump into”构成动作链,画面感非常强,“like crazy”和“without a second thought”这两个状语一个略带夸张,一个精准描述,让读者更加感受到作者的“急”。

After a heated discussion that lasted for what seemed like a century... 此处夸张的修辞手法体现了作者每多等一秒都是煎熬的心情,非常到位。

比如情绪描写的万能表达:

I flashed him an apologetic smile... “flash”这个词在续写描写中是一个高频词汇,除了此处的固定搭配flash sb a smile/look,它还可以表示“突然显露某种强烈情感”,如Her eyes flashed with anger.

A feeling of helplessness washed over me... 这个句型中的“helplessness”几乎可以换成任何情绪。

所以同学们在续写时,可以延续原文的风格,不需要用到特别高深或者偏难的词汇,适当地运用描写技巧以及常用的描写句型即可


03
续写情节指引

由第一段首句“我跑回冈特身边,告诉他这个坏消息。”可知,第一段首先应写我向冈特解释这个坏消息以及我着急上车的情况,冈特听了之后的反应。再结合第二段首句“四天后,当我回到维也纳时,我依照承诺给冈特打了电话。”可知,第一段还应写最后的解决办法,既然第二段首句有“as promised”,那第一段必然提到我做出了承诺,再结合“温情”这个故事主题,第一段还应提及冈特对我的信任

由第二段首句“四天后,当我回到维也纳时,我依照承诺给冈特打了电话。”可知,第二段主要应写我如约还钱,我俩再次见面的情形,我俩后续友谊的发展(同学们如果字数已经凑够,也可以不写这一点),最后是我的感悟

04
续写情感指引

第一段会有较多的情绪描写,我向冈特解释的时候应该是尴尬难为情的,我提出过几天再支付他钱的时候可能会有点忐忑害怕对方不同意,当冈特表示相信我时,我应该是充满感激和感动

而第二段情感描写主要是我们再次会面的喜悦和激动(如果觉得夸张了也可以不写),另外就是我对这段奇妙的缘分或者说特殊的友谊的一个情感态度,比如珍惜之类


05
参考范文1

I ran back to Gunter and told him the bad news. We were at a loss what to do next. Seeing the crowd thinning out, I was burning to rush to the bus. I knew I couldnt afford to waste any more time, so I said to Gunter with a seriousness, Listen, heres the deal. I will be back in Vienna four days later. I will contact you and pay you the taxi fee. Hardly did I expect Gunter would agree without thinking twiceand we exchanged numbers. I bowed to express my gratitude and made a dash for my bus.    

Four days later, when I was back in Vienna, I called Gunter as promised. Oh, I remember you! Gunter answered on the phone. I could almost recall his big smile by his voice. We agreed to meet at a local bar at night. When we met, I handed him the money and a small souvenir that I had selected specially for him in a gift shop in Prague. Its so nice of you. I understood you were in a hurry back then and I believed you would keep your promise. I thanked him again and again and we had a great chat over a beer. I couldnt help thinking: "Connection" between people is really like magic. 


06
参考范文2

I ran back to Gunter and told him the bad news. I was overwhelmed, not knowing how to handle the tricky situation. At this point, a daring and unreasonable idea occurred to me. I said to Gunter, " I have to catch this bus. I'll be back in four days and can repay you then. I know we just met..." Much to my astonishment, Gunter nodded before I finished speaking. A wave of relief swept over me, mixed with embarrassment. We quickly exchanged phone numbers. Fortunately, I boarded the bus at the eleventh hour, my heart full of gratitude.

Four days later, when I was back in Vienna, I called Gunter as promised. He picked up almost immediately. "Hello, Gunter, it's me. I am back now. I want to thank you again for your trust and repay your kindness." Gunter chuckled, " No rush. Just pass on the kindness when you can." We met as planned, and I handed him the money along with a souvenir from Prague. He accepted them with a warm smile, and we bade farewell to each other, both knowing this act of kindness would not be forgotten.

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